That said, I decided to attend Day 2 of the event yesterday. I brought my camera and note pad with the intention of documenting–checked my expectations, judgements, and presumptions at the door.

It ended up being a very lovely day (in contrast to the straight up “duck weather” we had the day before!). A few women, who were part of the performance, held signs saying “You Can Touch My Hair” and, while everyone looked on, allowed curious people to pet their hair. Meanwhile, a few others (unwittingly) became a part of the exhibit by holding up their own signs and voicing their opposing views in a parallel demonstration called “You Can’t Touch My Hair.” It was all civil, no shouting or fighting, very respectful. I met truly beautiful black women who were incredibly smart and funny!

If the goal of the event was to spark discussion then “mission accomplished.” Debate is healthy and a vital part of progress. Talking to friends about it last night, one of them offered a great idea I may co-opt: if you ask to touch my hair, I will ask you why. If your curiosity is sincere and you respect my concerns, I may allow you to first wash your hands THEN touch away. For like three seconds. And no tugging! See? Progress.

(left) Althea of Mt. Vernon, NY, who has been natural for over two years, claims she has never had a random person touch her hair so took this opportunity to educate people who are ignorant about black hair, while showing black women to be proud of their natural hair. (right) Actor, playwright, and comedian Radha Blank was offended by the social experiment, especially once put into historical context, and said the opposing views needed to be a more visible part of it to broaden the discussion.

Actor, dancer, and singer Stacey Sargeant of NYC was also part of the “You Can’t Touch My Hair” protest. She revealed to me that she has been on acting jobs where the hair stylist had no idea how to do her hair. Stacey says too often she has to style it on her own.

Love that there were so many interesting discussions going on around a subject that a lot of people would think was no big deal.

(left) Jennifer of Brooklyn, NY had the Best. Sign. Ever. She said black women should not be petted like zoo animals. (right) Medical student Laurel also felt compelled to join the “You Can’t Touch My Hair” protest.

Saw a woman whom I thought I knew in real life. Approached her like ‘Hey, are you friends with so-and-so?’ She was really sweet, thank goodness, because when she told me her name was Adepero–as in award-winning actress Adepero Oduye (as in Meryl Streep shouted her out in her Golden Globes acceptance speech!!!)–I quickly went into goober-fan mode.

With Twitter exploding over the “You Can Touch My Hair” controversy this week, it was inevitable the Totally Biased crew would show up. Equestrian statue of George Washington is un-ironically in the background.

Writer and comedian Dwayne Kennedy interviews participant Althea for a future segment on “Totally Biased.”

Dwayne Kennedy interviewing India of Flemington, NJ and Clarissa of NYC. Both ladies are very well-traveled and have experienced people overseas being totally fascinated (obsessed) with their hair and Black American culture in general. Clarissa says a lot of black women here in the U.S. want to touch it because they think don’t think it’s her real hair!

Publicist Abigail Opiah for un-ruly.com, organizer of the “You Can Touch My Hair” event, fielding questions and engaging in discussions.

Taren Guy of YouTube fame poses with fans.

Singer, makeup artist, and vlogger Autumn McHugh and model Maya of Newark, NJ. They were gracious participants of the “You Can Touch My Hair” exhibit and expressed how they wanted to use the platform to educate people.

Of course, I had to linger well after the event was over. Thinking of another personal photo project… a few, in fact. Union Square has so much energy and so much to photograph!

It was such an honor to be invited to speak to your class for Career Day. Thank you for being such great listeners, for being so engaged, and for all the great questions! You are a stunningly brilliant group of young women.

To be honest, I was very anxious because I do not do very much speaking in front of groups. The first time was an 8th grade oral book report on To Kill a Mockingbird, and I remember shaking so badly (and on the verge of fainting!) that about halfway through my teacher Ms. Morgan had to tell me to sit down. Since then I developed a fear of public speaking and usually try to avoid any opportunity. Looking back, though, I can see none of the experiences that followed were ever as bad as the first one. I guess it is the same with most things in life: starting out is the toughest part, but this is no reason to stop challenging yourself.

I told you about how I started my journey of photography as a career: there has been a lot of seemingly unrelated detours on the road. Remember the quote I mentioned by the fashion icon Diane Von Furstenberg? “I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew the woman I wanted to be.” Photography has been the best way, I have found, to express the person I am and who I’ve always wanted to be. I wish I could travel back in time to tell my 12 year-old self not to worry so much about deciding on a career so early; that there will be plenty of time to experiment with different ideas; that the purpose of her life will gradually reveal itself in its own time; that one day she will wake up feeling less stressed about the future, she will feel confident in the present, and she will forgive all the mistakes she made in the past; that one day she will be *thisclose* to feeling the sense of freedom she always dreamed about.

I strongly encourage all of you girls to use your education to access the many different doors available to you in this world. Ultimately, it will be THE KEY to the freedom you imagine for yourself. This means never, ever stop learning things you do not know about, re-learning things you already know, and even un-learning things you think you know. In short, stay curious.

Also, I really can not stress this enough, make good friends who will always support you no matter how crazy your dreams may seem. More importantly, be a good friend.

I wish you all the very best life has waiting for you.

Sincerely,

Miss Melissa

P.S. Again, thank you for all the very sweet messages of appreciation. I will treasure these more than any award I have or will receive!

P.P.S. A few of you asked more questions in your thank you notes so I’d be happy to answer:

1-What else did you do on your journey? I forgot to mention that I briefly wanted to be a fighter pilot at one time in high school. I even told my parents I was going to join the Air Force, but they STRONGLY (!!!) discouraged this idea.

2-Do you work with a partner or do you just have a solo job? Mostly solo, but I love working with other talented people.

3-Is it hard to be a photographer and why? Yes. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy to do.

4-Why did you choose to go to Florida State? I didn’t. My father said I couldn’t go to NYU because it was too expensive and too far away from home. It ended up being a good decision–I had a great college experience!

5-In the picture you took of the class can you put a glow around the class?* Um… sure! I’ll send it to Ms. Chase-Chen to share with you. I have to apologize, though, the photo from my phone is not very clear (I really was nervous!), and I accidentally cut off a couple of you on the left side.

*Refers to this image I showed the girls of my early work:

October 30, 1941 – March 16, 2013

“Mommy Butler” was already an angel to everyone she loved. For me, she was also a friend and mentor. She supported my photography career from the very beginning, and more recently, even while battling the breast cancer that ultimately claimed her body, she helped me form the mission statement for my business plan. I guess in a way she was helping me find my purpose. At the funeral service, I was very honored and moved to look around the chapel and see photos I had taken of her and her family over the years, including the one above where she is wearing her favorite color, red. My purpose in this life has never been more clear.

I just happened to catch the movie Gattaca on TV the other night––a mediocre but brilliantly shot film that I had not seen in years. The last lines made me think of Mommy Butler: ”They say every atom in our bodies was once part of a star. Maybe I’m not leaving… maybe I’m going home.”

It’s sort of comforting to think of her in this way: that her loving and beautiful light is once again part of a star.

(All iPhone takes)

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost

Our morning hike through Manoa Falls Trail was fairly challenging because it was slippery from all the mud. It’s worth it to go through such a pretty rainforest. There was not enough rain in the days prior so the waterfall at the end of the trail was more of a ‘trickle.’ Still really nice, though.

Then later that afternoon we took on the Koko Head Crater Trail. I had no idea about this hike and was shocked––SHOCKED!––to see how steep it was. No turning back, we took our time, finally made it to the top, and the view was incredible! You can see the whole east side of Oahu.

Someone pitched a makeshift crucifix at the top, which was very apt because I invoked Jesus’ name more than a few times throughout the hike––never mind all the Hail Mary’s I recited. One of my companions quipped that it was Oahu’s Christ the Redeemer like in Rio, Brasil.

But kidding aside, when I reached the top I had to take a moment, look around at the breath-taking view, and feel so grateful and privileged to experience all of this. It almost moved me to tears… until I remembered we still had hike back down!

Unlike the day before, I was not on duty to photograph the event, but I was equally as honored to witness such a gorgeous day.